Raising Good Kids

You Mean it’s Not About Me

One message that’s constantly being blared at our kids is, life is all about you and what you want. It’s about your toys, your clothes, your shoes, and, most important, your choices. I recently heard a radio commercial for a cola (which shall remain nameless) boasting that among the many good things about the USA, the most wonderful is our freedom of choice–that we get to do whatever the heck we want to do, whenever we want to do it. The cola connection, I guess, was that you should thank your lucky stars that you get to drink this particular cola instead of having to force down some icky cola decreed by a power-mad dictator.

Anyway, shortly thereafter I read an article bluntly stating that the Catholic message flatly contradicts the "It’s all about you and what you want" philosophy. In "You’re holier than you know" in the October 1998 U.S. Catholic (for a copy, call 800-328-6515), Father Robert Barron outlines three paths to holiness. Path three is titled "Realizing that your life is not about you." The problem, says Barron, is that most of us "think that we are the directors, writers, and above all stars of our own dramas, with . . . other people functioning as either our supporting players or the villains. . . . Of course, our dramas . . . are always uninteresting, even if we are playing the lead role. The key is finding the role that God has designed for us, even if it looks like a bit part."

If this statement shocks us, it only goes to show how long we Catholics have soaked in the tub of American individualism–some of our own truths have begun to shrivel up so that we don’t even recognize them anymore. "Holy people," says Barron, "are those who realize that they participate in something and Someone infinitely greater than themselves, that they are but a fragment of reality. Far from crushing them, this awareness makes them great, capacious, whole." This message does not recommend an attitude of unworthiness, of thinking we’re unfit for God’s grand plans. It only encourages us to live, says Barron, "in joyful surrender, and with a sense of wonder. What is God doing for me now? What path is opening up to me? Why did God send that person, that trial, that pleasure to me just now?"

So how do we pass along a message like this to our kids, while TV, music, and radio shout at them, "It’s all about you"?

Cultivate a sense of service. How do we help our kids to view their God-given talents–their musical ability, math smarts, or physical coordination? That they are gifts to be used for the good of the people around them, or assets to propel them to the top of the heap? I once heard a young teen say of his father: "He taught me that my talents were God’s gift to me; what I did with them was my gift back to God."

Encourage a search for how God is active in your lives. Let your kids in on how you make your decisions and how God enters into them. How do you cultivate an awareness of where God is leading you? Kids face plenty of decisions: Do I want to take music lessons, quit the team, join this club, apply to this high school, stand up to the crowd? "We should," says Barron, "abandon our lives–even in the smallest details–to this divine love, trusting that God will show us the way." Do your kids a favor and suggest they invite God into the choice by praying for guidance, asking for help on which path to choose.

Just think–you’ll be taking them a few steps down one of the paths that lead to holiness.

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