Raising Good Kids

Parents Should Preach As Well As Practice

Have you ever tried to get detailed travel directions while people are talking and a TV is blaring in the background? You may have asked the direction-giver to repeat a few times before it sinks in.

That’s the situation your kids are in as they try to figure out the directions to life. And so child-raising experts, who long have extolled the value of parents modeling good behavior to their children, are adding that it’s also important to preach what you practice if you want your kids to get it.

After all, society no longer supports and underscores the values you want your children to acquire. While you hope they’ll be generous, honest, and compassionate, TV commercials, movies, and magazines are glamorizing those who look out for number one, get what they want at any cost, and leave a trail of suffering in their wake. In the midst of that noise, no wonder your kids may need more explicit instructions on what makes a good life.

"We must explain to our children why we do what we do–not only when we punish them, but also when we’re kind to them, sweet to our spouses, fair to our neighbors, or considerate of strangers," say Marvin Berkowitz and John Grych, authors of "Fostering Goodness," an article in the Journal of Moral Education. These two Marquette University psychologists call such explanations "the single most powerful parental influence on children’s moral development."

Thomas Lickona of the State University of New York at Cortland agrees, and is quoted in the article saying, "Parents serve as a moral filter for all the stuff coming at kids in society. They need to give running editorial commentary to help kids sort out the positive alternatives."

Eric Zorn reported on the findings of Berkowitz and Grych in the Chicago Tribune and concluded his column, "How [are] young people supposed to acquire what we expect them to have when they are legally grown: prudence, responsibility, maturity? The answer turns out to be as obvious as it is too often neglected. Parents, educators, and community leaders have to lead the moral growth of children through deed and, especially, word. To believe that it will just happen as pages fall from the calendar is asking for trouble, and that we already have plenty of."

So, start your commentary; begin by commenting to your children on this item in At Home with our Faith.

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