Family Challenges

Crying room revisited

In the February issue I invited ideas from parents on how to handle crying children at Mass. We received many thoughtful responses, including one from Kay Lynn Isca, author of the book Catholic Etiquette: What you Need to Know About Catholic Rites and Wrongs that prompted my original article. She writes, "That chapter [on kids at Mass] has been the most provocative. Just about everyone seems to have an opinion about children at church (especially other people's children!)."

Beth Donofrio of Louisville, Kentucky writes, "We like to use the crying room (with our 13-month-old girl). There we can all be together, and we don't feel that we disturb those around us if there is an occasional outburst." Donofrio's got reservations about crying rooms, however. "We don't feel the purpose of a crying room is to serve as the setting for a play group, nor is it to allow your children to scream continuously. The crying room is where those who are still in the learning process may learn in a way that is not bothersome to those who have already learned the proper behavior."

Frank Lambe sent an e-mail saying, "We tried a number of different ways" of dealing with young children at Mass: split shifts, baby-sitters, cry rooms, or simply to endure their behavior during Mass." The Lambes didn't find any of these satisfying, especially leaving the children behind or segregating themselves in a cry room.

"What we learned," says Lambe, "was that we were too worried with this issue. Mass is a time of worship, but also a time of sharing with a faith community. . . . This sharing starts with our young children as we model the behaviors of weekly Mass attendance, [in-cluding] tolerance for those around us -- young and old. With that in mind, it is easy to move to the cry room on the occasions when it is necessary but also to endure the disapproving looks as we help our children learn the lessons of our faith during attendance at Mass."

Kay Lynn Isca can have the final word on the topic. "Acquaintances have told me that after reading my book, they have begun praying for the families near them at Mass rather than fuming about their (mis-)behavior. One goal was to elicit more empathy and regard for fellow parishioners, so I'm delighted for those comments." A silent Amen to that.

 

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