Practical Parenting Ideas

Face their fears

Sometimes kids have fears. Don’t be so quick to tell them they have nothing to worry about. Occasionally, in my desire for my daughters to be happy, I try to whisk their fears away and make things all better. But that’s a disservice. I remember telling one daughter when she was in second grade that she had nothing to worry about. "I do, too!" she told me in no uncertain terms. "I have plenty to worry about."

And it caused me to remember what it was like to be in second grade. I remember worrying about lots of things: missing worksheets, standardized tests, preparing for Confession, friends who start hanging around with other friends at recess, the looming presence in the hallways of eighth graders who seemed both menacing and large, and of course the usual things that go bump in the night.

Kids will have worries at every age. The best thing for parents to do about it is to make room for the full range of their children’s emotions. If your children sense you’re thrown by their fear, they’ll think that fear itself is something to disavow. That would be disowning a part of themselves.

Instead, make a safe place and time to explore such fears with your child. When your child shows signs of being afraid, in a soothing manner let him or her know you’d like to know more about their feeling. Ask:

1) What’s the worst that you think might happen?

2) How would that feel to you?

3) You’re a strong person, what can you do about it?

4) What would you like me to do to help?

Rather than trying to banish the fear which is a natural, human emotion, why not honor it? But also honor your child’s abilities to cope and to come up with great new strategies to face the fear and come out stronger.

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