Practical Parenting Ideas

Be a handy excuse

Give your kids every chance to make wise decisions, ones they feel good about. With peer pressure so strong, we figured out a code that would signal us parents when our kids wanted to hear "no" to their request. We made it clear they could always put the blame on Mom or Dad when they needed an excuse to get out of a tough situation. For example, if a group of kids was encouraging them to go to a movie they didn’t feel comfortable seeing or attending a party they felt unsafe at, they knew they could count on us to jump in and refuse to let them go. Our "secret signal" to refuse permission was that they would start their asking with, "Please, please . . ."

I wasn’t always so quick on the uptake. Once one of my daughters called and said, "The girls are going to the mall. Please, please can I go?" I completely missed my cue and said, "Sure. Have a good time." I was surprised when my daughter repeated, "Please, Dad, please!" I finally got it when she said to her friends in the background, "My dad says I can’t go!" and acted angry.

"Oh, yeah, that’s right," I tried to recoup. "Come home immediately."

Part of what makes this agreement work is a "no questions asked" commitment on the part of the parents. I never grilled them after the fact. If they felt like telling us, fine. If not, we learned to trust them. Years later, after the statute of limitations has passed, they may tell you more than you wish to know.

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