Practical Parenting Ideas

Limit the Lip

A friend who works in a principal’s office says she’s noticed a rise in back talk over the years at the school. Experts agree. Dr. Karen Hopkins, a clinical associate professor of pediatrics at New York University School of Medicine, says back talk may be increasing because parents, who find themselves too busy, cut their kids too much slack on how they communicate. "Busy parents sometimes try to compensate for lack of family time by showering children with material possessions. Children who are given too much feel that they are the center of the universe."

Television programming is no help. The smart-alecky kid has become a staple of most sitcoms. Parents themselves may be using harsher language, thus modeling rude behavior for the children. And your kids may be in class with children who get a big reaction with wisecracks and insulting comments.

So what can you do? Here are three steps:

Nip it in the bud. Try to refrain from laughing when your pre-schooler says something rude but precocious. Hearing a 3-year-old say something like, "No way Jose!" might seem cute, but think how unpleasant the phrase will become when you hear it hourly from your sulky preadolescent.

Curtail the TV. If your children see so much TV that it shapes their behavior, it’s time to wean them from the tube.

Call a family meeting. At a time when tempers are cool, meet to discuss this behavior and ways it can stop. Make a pact that all of you will try to cut back on the rude comments and sassing and show more respect to one another. You’ll be amazed at how it changes the atmosphere of your household for the better.

Says Hopkins. "Children who are intentionally rude to their parents are usually trying to get negative attention. Don’t play the game. Say something like, ‘We’re not having this discussion,’ and withdraw from the situation either emotionally or physically." Concentrate instead on giving attention when your child acts respectfully.

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