Practical Parenting Ideas

Telling or tattling?

One of the most difficult situations for parents is to determine whether to intercede when one kid squeals on another. On the one hand, you don’t want to encourage your child to be a tattletale, and yet there are times when a responsible adult ought to act. In Kids Are Worth It! (Avon Books, 1995), Barbara Coloroso advises parents to "teach children the difference between tattling and telling."

What’s the difference? Coloroso breaks it down like this: If what you have to say will only get another child in trouble, don’t tell me. That’s tattling. If what you have to say will get another child out of trouble, tell me. That’s simply telling. If what you have to say will do both, tell me.

"If this distinction is taught to children when they are young, it can pay off in the teen years. Adolescents will understand that it is not tattling to tell you that their friend is giving his possessions away and saying subtle good-byes to classmates. Telling may help the troubled teen out of trouble. A friend is five months pregnant and binding herself up in an attempt to hide her pregnancy. Telling might get her in trouble with some people, but it will certainly get her and her baby out of trouble."

Coloroso adds, "Here’s my suggestion on what to do when asked to play the role of courtroom judge: don’t do it! I get actively involved only with what I actually see or hear, unless what I didn’t see or hear resulted in bloodshed or serious damage."

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