Practical Parenting Ideas

Was it the whine?

The Nov./Dec. issue of Group reported on a study of what happens when kids whine. "When researchers asked mothers to keep a record of how many times their children whined for something, they found that the average was five times a day . . . every single day." (This may seem low to some.) "These mothers also reported as many as 45 percent of their purchases directly resulted from their kids pestering them. No wonder teenagers can’t just say no to cigarettes, illegal drugs, alcohol, and sex."

I have mixed thoughts on this. First, I do think that giving in to whining can escalate demands and reinforce the notion that whining is a great way to get what you want in life. When we give in to whining, we’re not helping our children. We’re just trying to take a shortcut to our own ease.

But I don’t think that the only or best alternative to whining is to "just say no." I think we need to help kids deal with their desires and the mistaken notion (drilled into their heads by endless commercials) that they need "stuff" to make them happy. What can you do instead?

1 Offer alternatives. (We can go to the library. Let’s make cupcakes. Let’s sing a song.)

2 Encourage them to channel that energy from acquisitiveness to creativity. Creativity brings its own satisfactions that far outweigh the fleeting pleasure of buying a trinket or bit of junk food. Have supplies on hand for drawing, finger painting, model-making, investigating, exploring, and other creative play.

3 Explain your limits. Saying "we can’t afford to spend a lot of money on candy" in a matter-of-fact voice gives good information to your kids.

4 Turn off the TV. Would you invite toy salespeople into your living room every Saturday morning to whip your kids’ acquisitiveness into a frenzy? Better they should listen to the birds sing.

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