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At Home with our Faith,
the spirituality newsletter for families.
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Ten issues a year
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Packed with practical ideas and tips
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Inspiration for parents who care
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Basics of the faith you can teach your children
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Support to help you be the parent you want to be.
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Recommended resources that fit your life
Each month, ten times a year, At Home with Our Faith's editors Mary Lynn Hendricksen and Cathy O'Connell-Cahill pull together practical ideas, inspiration,
reflections, and resources for parents who want to raise their kids with
a living faith. Parents appreciate their down-to-earth approach and real-life
stories. Sign up to get help delivered to your home. (Special bulk rates
available for churches and parent groups. Call 1-800-328-6515.)
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At Home with Our Faith
Book recommendations from At Home With Our Faith
In Daddyhood: This Changes Everything! author Daniel W. Driscoll offers stories and reflections on entering this new life. Driscoll is obviously quite involved in the lives of his four kids and sees this not as a burden but joyful opportunity. He also takes a thoughtful look at what it means to be a good dad. He writes, "The reflections in this book are by no means written by an expert. They are written by a daddy and a husband who seeks to find meaning in this new life as a father. Often this is not easy to do, but at night, when it is quiet and the children are asleep, sometimes God's clarifying grace penetrates the darkness."
Driscoll sheds plenty of light in these short chapters through his wit and perceptiveness and spiritual depth. This is a great Father's Day gift from Sorin Books ($11.95).
Raise kids who are good to the core
Every parent is aware of the pervasive forces that exert negative influences on their children. Ron Taffel, Ph.D., compares these forces to a "social smog—an almost invisible yet powerful fusion of pop culture and peer influence that wafts into our homes." He calls these forces the "second family," because they have such an impact on kids. He says the best defense is to shore up our children's core self. "In my view, children get into trouble out of a thwarted need to connect with their core."
His book Nurturing Good Children Now: 10 Basic Skills to Protect and Strengthen Our Child's Core Self, written with Melinda Blau, offers specific steps to build your child's inner strength. Chapters range from teaching your child methods to master his or her moods, to protecting your child's enthusiasm and love of life, to fostering gratitude as a basis for faith and spirituality. This is not a book simply offering techniques to manipulate children, but sees and values kids' depth and worth. Taffel and Blau show great appreciation for and passion about kids.
When there are tears on your pillow
Our Fast-paced Culture makes little Room for those who are grieving. Grieving takes time. Too often those who have experienced significant loss are either urged to "Get over it!" or are left in the dust.
Among our friends and family we have experienced a certain amount of major loss this year. I realized how much it was affecting me when I came across Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss by Pat Schweibert and Chuck DeKlyven and illustrated by Taylor Bills. This is a wise and generous book to help anyone going through grief, as well as to guide those who love them in how to be truly helpful.
The illustrated storybook format is perfect for engaging that deeper part of you, the part that comes alive when you hear the words, "Once upon a time." And that's the part of us where grief resides and where grief must be attended to and embraced. "What's true about soup making is also true about grieving," say the authors. "Making soup is an art, and you are the artist."
In the tradition of great illustrated storybooks, this book is right for everyone, from children on up to adults. If you or someone you love is carrying grief, this book will help. It's distributed by ACTA Publications, 1-800-397-2282.
A great read-aloud gift book for Christmas
One of the best gifts my family ever gave to ourselves was our nightly reading time. For a number of years when our kids were younger, my wife or I would read aloud to the rest of us. This usually took place in the winter, when homework was done, and by the coziness of candlelight. We read the Little House on the Prairie books, the Jennifer series of books my wife owned as a young girl, Homeward Bound, and a number of other engaging stories. When I recently got my hands on a new book, Monsieur Eek (HarperCollins) by David Ives, we revived the ritual of nightly reading, much to our delight.
Ives, renowned playwright (All in the Timing, Mere Mortals), turns his wizardry with words to the retelling of a bizarre and possibly true story of a medieval law case in which a chimpanzee was put on trial in a remote coastal town of England. Ives weaves a story of adventure, hilarity, and wonderful lessons about the dangers of ignorance, mob psychology, intolerance, and fear of the stranger. The story will have your family laughing out loud as well as moved to deep emotion. To prevent Christmas frazzling, why not observe Advent by quieting down the household and reading a half hour a night with your family?
Other recommended books:
The Christian Family Toolbox: 52 Benedictine Activities for the Home
(Crossroad Publishing) by David Robinson.
Crack the "boy
code"
When
your daughters become teens, hand them a copy of Mary Pipher’s
groundbreaking book about young girls, Reviving
Ophelia, and hand your teenage boys Real
Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (Owl Books, 1999)
by William Pollack.
Pollack is codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School, where he has conducted a long-range research project called “Listening to Boys’ Voices.” He’s done the research on what boys go through in our society, and he cares deeply about their well-being. Pollack explores the “boy code” by getting “behind the mask of masculinity, a mask that most boys and men wear to hide their true inner feelings, and to present to the world an image of male toughness, stoicism, and strength, when in fact they feel desperately alone and afraid. This book is the result of listening to and learning about boys, and thinking about what we can do to help them become happier, more successful boys and men.
This book features special chapters for moms as well as dads and will help you better understand how to best relate to the men and boys in your life.
Compassionate kids
When Jan Johnson talked to teachers while putting together a violence prevention
curriculum, they all pointed to empathy as the key. Kids with empathy weren't
violent kids, they told her. Kids with empathy could see the world from
another's perspective and were less likely to bully, taunt, or tease.
In Growing
Compassionate Kids: Helping Kids See Beyond Their Backyard, Johnson
shows parents how to integrate compassion-building activities into daily
family life. She draws from her own experience raising kids as well as the
experience of many others who sought ways to raise kids who care about others.
Johnson says there are many side benefits to involving our children in compassionate
activities, including becoming better parents ourselves. Says Johnson, "When
you're volunteering at a soup kitchen you end up not fussing so much at
your kids. It helps put your priorities in order and theirs, too." She offers
many easy-to-adopt suggestions such as packing lunches for homeless people
before going off on errands so you can hand them out when people ask for
spare change.
Raise kids who care
We parents need all the allies we can find as we try to raise moral kids
in a less-than-moral world. One of the most astute and helpful commentators
on the spiritual development of children is Kathleen O'Connell-Chesto.
In Raising
Kids Who Care: About Themselves, About Their World, About Each Other,
Chesto offers specific ideas and suggestions based on her considerable research,
study, and, best of all, personal experience. Never one to offer glib answers,
Chesto reaches deep to suggest how to lead a child through sibling rivalry,
how to deal with lying as a coping skill, what to do about crises of divorce,
sex, and latchkey situations.
"Affluence is placing a great strain on our ability as families to
teach self-sacrifice," says Chesto. "Sharing works best when there
is not enough. . . . A television for every room and separate phone lines
may eliminate arguments, but it also inhibits community and the possibility
of learning to live for and with others.
Raising Kids Who Care is a resource for parents and anyone who works with
kids in the skills needed to motivate kids who will care about themselves,
the world they live in, and about the people they encounter in the course
of their daily lives.
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Other recommended titles:
Spirituality@Work:
10 Ways to Balance Your Life On-The-Job, by Gregory F.A. Pierce
More
than Meets the Eye: Finding God in the Creases and Folds of Family Life,
by Mary Jo Pedersen, Thomas Greisen, Ronald Wasikowski from St. Mary's Press,
2000, Winona, Minnesota
Take
Back Your Kids: Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times by William
J. Doherty, Ph.D., Sorin Books, 2000
Speaking
of Boys: Answers to the Most-Asked Questions about Raising Sons by Michael Thompson, Ballantine, 2000
The
Promise of Virtue by Father Eugene Hemrick, 1999 Ave Maria Press
I
Like Being Catholic: Treasured Traditions, Rituals, and Stories
Michael Leach, Therese Johnson Borchard, Editors
Bruce Springsteen, Nicole Kidman, Frank Sinatra, and the
four men who have hit more than 60 home runs in a major league season have
something in common. They are all Catholic. I found this out in a new book,
I like being Catholic, a compilation of great quotes, anecdotes,
stories and fun facts about the joy of living Catholic pulled together by
Michael Leach and Therese Johnson Borchard. The authors say, "This
is not a book of theology. It is simply a book about the good things that
come with being Catholic."
Here's a snippet from wise man Yogi Berra, "I have always liked being Catholic because it has always seemed to me more spiritual than other ways to worship. Seeing my mother attend Mass three or four times a week, I figured it was the best way for me to show my love for God." Published by Doubleday.
Raising Faith-Filled Kids:
Ordinary Opportunities to Nurture Spirituality At Home
Here's a book chock-full of practical ideas and "next steps" on how you can deepen your own spirituality while you pass on a living faith to your children.
"If you ever wanted to be a great and inspiring parent, this book gives you the tools to learn how."—Mark Victor Hansen, co-creator, #1 New York Times best-selling series, Chicken Soup for the Soul.
"I hope, through this book, to help you see with new eyes, to enable you to look at the activities and interactions of daily living in your family and see in them sacramental moments that point to a loving God. This book is not going to ask you to disrupt your daily routines, but rather to see those moments within the give-and-take of daily living as ways in which God is present and calling you to live life more abundantly."—Tom McGrath in Raising Faith-Filled Kid
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Other
Resources
Top Ten Classic Books for Parents and Families
These books have been hand picked by the editors of At Home with our
Faith for your consideration. Order automatically through Amazon.com
by clicking on book titles.
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Helpful Books for Parents
Why are the Dandelions Weeds?
by Kathleen O'Connell-Chesto, 1999, Liguori
Chesto has the gift of seeing the spiritual reality underlying the mundane activities of daily family life. And she has the gift of being able to help us see it, too. She's a story teller, drawing on the events of her family, her neighborhood, her church. These stories invite you to look at your own life as a family and to see that God lives among you, too.
The Essence of Parenting: Becoming the Parent You Want To Be
by Anne Johnson and Vic Goodman, 1995, Crossroad
Johnson's and Goodman's basic premise is that the best way to raise good kids is to become a better person yourself. They offer lots of wisdom on ways to use the ordinary interactions with your children as opportunities to deepen your own spiritual life and offer that same opportunity to your kids. The secret is not in mastering techniques but in cultivating one's own inner contentment, acceptance, and happiness.
Gently Lead: How to teach your children about God while finding out for yourself
by Polly Berrien Berends, 1991, Harper Collins Publishers
M. Scott Peck wrote about this book: "First in Whole Child/ Whole Parent and now in Gently Lead, Polly Berrien Berends proves herself the very best guide I know for teaching the art of spiritual direction for children. The most common question of parents is how to provide for the spiritual education of their offspring. Here is the answer."
This book is unlike any other. It won't offer a systematic plan of "how-to" ideas but introduces you to the unique sensibility that Berrien Berends brings to the spiritual quest of being a mother. Filled with great respect for the art of being a parent as well as for our children, who the author claims as her spiritual teachers.
Kids Are Worth It! Giving your child the gift of inner discipline
by Barbara Coloroso, 1994, Avon Books.
Coloroso has more common sense and wisdom about the often anxiety-inducing process of disciplining and correcting children than just about anyone else. Starting with a positive view of children, Coloroso then provides both a clear conceptual grounding and specific advice that is both creative and practical. Some of the best ideas to handle pesky discipline and sibling rivalry problems are in this book. This book is worth it!
Traits of a Healthy Family
by Dolores Curran 1983, Winston Press
This is a classic. Curran, a veteran columnist who has a knack for cutting to the heart of any matter she's investigating, did extensive research to develop her list of 15 traits commonly found in healthy families by those who work with them. There are plenty of books on what's wrong with families. Here's the best one pointing to the strengths of families that work and work well. It's practical, down-to-earth, and filled with Curran's humor and wisdom.
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Choices from Cathy O'Connell-Cahill, mother of two children, columnist for At Home with Our Faith, and associate editor of U.S. Catholic magazine.
For younger children:
Children's author and artist Tomie de Paola has a great series of books about saints, Bible stories, and holy legends. Individual book titles are:
Geared to preschoolers and older, these books are excellent ways for parents to get small ones acquainted with the saints and stories of our faith. All of them are available from Amazon.com.
Books for older kids that include a spiritual dimension:
The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis is the first of a series of classic children's books about four children's adventures in the land of Narnia. The spiritual dimension is quite poignant. Best of all, this book and the ones following it in the series are wonderfully written stories about and for children.
Madeleine L'Engle's book A Wrinkle in Time (along with her other books about the same family: A Wind in the Door, A Swiftly Tilting Planet, Many Waters) is an exciting tale of children battling to save their father from an evil force which is threatening our planet. L'Engle weaves fantasy and family affection into this spellbinding book about the struggle between good and evil.
The Watsons Go to Birmingham by Christopher Paul Curtis is the touching, funny story of a 1960s black family from Michigan who, on a summer visit to relatives in Alabama, walks into a tragic moment in America's race relations. The book offers an unflinching but hilarious look at family and sibling relations, as well as being a powerful story of grace.
For parents:
The books that have saved my bacon time and again as a parent have been a series from Louise Bates Ames and Frances Ilg (along with several other occasional authors) entitled, Your One Year Old, Your Two Year Old, etc., all the way up to Your Ten to Fourteen Year Old. Although these books are not religious, they have been moments of grace for me throughout my years as a parent. Just when I had reached the end of my rope with my kids at one particular age or another, I would read these authors' wise counsel about what is predictable behavior for a child of this age, what internal tasks the child may be struggling with, do's and don'ts for parents, etc. Educating myself about my children's development has taught me what is reasonable to expect, allowed me to appreciate rather than worry, and helped me to be a better parent.
The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease is a goldmine of information about the value of reading aloud to children of any age, along with a treasury of great books to read aloud for different ages. Reading aloud to children not only helps them become better readers, but I think the Holy Spirit often sneaks into our houses through the good books we read. Try this wonderful, old fashioned way of enjoying a story together, and you'll find that your imaginations produce better pictures than your VCR.
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Family Resource ideas from Mary Lynn Hendrickson, who is an Associate Editor for U.S. Catholic, President of the Associated Church Press, and mother of three-year-old twins.
Favorite Books on Parenting
Wonderful Ways to Love a Child
by Judy Ford (Conari Press, 1995. $11.95)
My favorite parenting book, hands down—if for no other reason than each subject/chapter is only two pages long. (The perfect format for new and busy parents who can only read in spurts.) But this isn't some lightweight, pollyannish glossover about parenting, however. Family therapist Judy Ford reveals her vast wisdom on key parenting issues, using countless real-life examples and a writing style that's easy to understand and yet elegant in its simplicity.
Children Are From Heaven
by John Gray (Harpercollins, 1999)
The "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" guru can seem a bit tiresome the more you see the spin-offs he's done on this planetary theme. And yet this book is wonderful for bringing that same helpful gender awareness to the art of parenting. Psychologist Gray does more than just translate the adults' gender gap into a kiddie-size version: he illustrates his points with lots of examples from all the family counseling he's done over the years. More importantly, he sprinkles his hands-on advice—what little girls most need from their dads versus their moms, typical mistakes that moms make with their sons—into his overall case for replacing "fear-based parenting" (a punitive and oppressive approach to child rearing) to "love-based parenting" (which accepts children's desires and negative emotions while still setting reasonable limits). At the outset, Gray suggests the "Five Messages of Positive Parenting" that kids need to hear at home: (1) It's okay to be different; (2) It's okay to make mistakes; (3) It's okay to express negative emotions; (4) It's okay to want more; (5) It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses.
Favorite Books on Marriage
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: Book of Days
by John Gray (Harpercollins; 1998).
Though at times his writing style leaves a bit to be desired (not always the most elegant), Gray's insights—and countless practical tips—into the age-old "the battle of the sexes" is tremendously helpful in understanding and avoiding some of marriage's biggest conflicts. This particular "best of" version of his Mars/Venus theme is good for newcomers and veterans alike: drawing from his nine bestsellers, Gray has compiled 365 meaty little insights on how men and women perceive, think, and act differently—and how they can make gender difference work for the relationship instead of against it. This particular edition does a nice job of combining Gray's typical, user-friendly style—a little blurb on nearly every page—with the elegance of a quality "reflection" book: a ribbon marker and elegant cover, nice paper, reflections that are brief yet more indepth than the small "daily meditation" books.
Favorite Books on Child Development
The "Gesell Institute" series by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. Ilg.
These slender, affordable little paperback volumes break down child-development issues according to age. The series includes such titles as Your 2 Year Old : Terrible or Tender (Delacorte Press, 1993), Your Three Year Old : Friend or Enemy, Your Four-Year-Old : Wild and Wonderful—a separate volume covering each age, from 1 to 9, then another that covers ages 10 to 14 combined. Because these are so concentrated, they are a short and easy read. Not only a great overview of a child's typical physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual growth at certain ages—but full of insights and practical tips as well.
Favorite Religious Books for Kids
Prayer for a Child
by Rachel Field (author) and Elizabeth Orton Jones (Illustrator). Board-book edition for baby and preschool ages (Little Simon, 1997)
Winner of the 1945 Caldecott Medal for outstanding children's literature, Prayer for a Child is "somewhat dated by the illustrations (hairstyles, stereotyped ethnic costumes)," says one online review, but "thanks to the simplicity and lack of sentimentality in both prayer and accompanying artwork, it still works." (To which I must add: at least there's some ethnic diversity to "stereotype"!) A great read-aloud book that's part prayer and part rhyme, Prayer for a Child "celebrates familiar things, the love of friends and family, and the universal protection of God." Amen.
Princess Bella and the Red Velvet Hat
by T. Davis Bunn and Doreen Gay-Kassel (Illustrator) (Bethany House, 1998)
For ages 4-8, says the publisher. Other than the opening quote this book isn't overtly religious—merely tells a story that's meant to illustrate a Bible quotation. But in the best tradition of children's books, this sports some gorgeous illustrations and explores the way children understand their world. In this case, it's a shy Bella the Bunny: she has the mistaken impression that she's ugly, she has one favorite possession that she takes with her everywhere, and she's reluctant to tell her father what's troubling her. Once her father, the king, understands his daughter's dilemma, he's able to give Bella the reassurance she needs.
Old Turtle
by Douglas Wood and Cheng-Khee Chee (Illustrator) (Pfeifer-Hamilton Pub, 1992)
This is a book I like to give for First Communions. An online review calls it "a poetic fable" in which all aspects of creation—an antelope, the wind, an old turtle, and others—try to describe who God is. "The wise old turtle ends the argument: God is all these things, and more," says the reviewer. "She also makes a prediction: 'There will soon be a new family of beings' who will be reminders of what God is. However, the people in turn begin to argue about God, and also to harm the rest of creation. Then the ocean, the breeze, and even the stars remind them of God's presence and love, and in time the people begin to listen" again, rediscovering who God is by paying attention to what's holy and beautiful in creation. Wood's "graceful phrasing" is reminiscent of a Native American folktale; Chee's lovely watercolors "joyfully celebrate the world's beauty."
And from the publishers of At Home with our Faith:
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