Are you telling lies about God?

I was in line at a local rib joint recently when a grandmother pointed at me and told her rambunctious toddler, "This here's a policeman, and he's going to lock you up in jail if you don't start behaving."

The little girl was stunned, but no more than I. This cute little sweetheart shrunk away from me and hid behind her grandmother's coat. I was shocked into silence, unable to conjure a way to counter such a parenting blunder without making matters worse.

I felt horrible being described as a mean authority figure who would punish little children by locking them away. I wondered how God liked it. After all, people often describe God in those terms, with the result that God's children shy away for fear they'll be swooped up and punished.

Whether you know it or not, parents, you're giving your children their first clues about what God is like. Are you even aware of the God you're describing? Kathleen Norris, poet and author of The Cloister Walk (Riverhead Books, 1996), says, "I firmly believe that the way we bathe a child or discuss family matters at the dinner table reveals who our God is."

The truth of this statement hit home to me years ago when I was teaching religion to high-school seniors. We were studying the Our Father, and one of my students, Mary, told me, "I don't say the Our Father." Why not, Mary? "If you knew the way my father treated me, you'd know why I could never say that prayer!" Mary's father maltreated and abused her. The face of God he portrayed to his daughter was distorted and untrue, but that's the image of God she came to her senior year of high school with.

What images of God do you want to convey to your children? Here are some traits we as Catholics believe about God, along with some of the false features that often get attributed to God:

God is love: you convey this by being kind and loving to your child - vs. God is out to get you: this gets portrayed when you constantly find fault.

God cares for each person with a special care: this message comes across when you stop what you're doing to make time for your children; you take their concerns seriously - vs. you're not worth God's time or attention: your children will come to believe this if you're always too busy or preoccupied when they ask questions.

God created a universe of goodness and abundance: your child will learn this if you celebrate as a family and keep an optimistic outlook - vs. God created a hard world to put us to the test: your language will give you away if you don't cultivate the belief that God intends good things for you.

Who you are is wonderful in God's eyes: this is the message when you look into your child's eyes and express your delight with him or her - vs. who you are is dangerous and needs to be controlled: when you shame your child for having feelings rather than helping the child manage those feelings, you give this false sense about God.

God is trustworthy: do you make promises and keep them? - vs. God is unreliable: when your child can never rely on you.

Stop a minute to think about what traits you want to make sure you convey to your children, and think about what qualities you might be expressing instead. God is surely more than we can ever portray, and our children will go on (we hope) to have their own rich relationship with the God beyond all understanding. But never forget that you're the first and foremost person to give them clues to just who this awesome God is.