How faith grows

All faith comes from God, but God works through nature - especially human nature. Our own children's faith will be developed and nurtured through their interactions with us, their siblings, their friends, their teachers, and their parish community.

Joseph Chilton Pearce, in Magical Child (Plume, 1992), the groundbreaking book about child development, established the principle that all higher knowledge grows from and depends on early, concrete experiences. He writes, "All thinking arises out of concreteness, which means out of the brain patterns resulting from actual body movements of interacting with actual things."

Thus, a child learns what it feels like to "fall down and go boom" and from there develops an understanding of the concept of gravity. Or finds out what Mom means by "hot, don't touch," as a prelude to grasping the laws of thermodynamics.

Likewise, the abstract concepts of faith are grounded in real-life experiences our kids either experience or don't. No wonder we parents are called the first teachers of the faith. Here are life experiences on which to build theological virtues:

TRUST: Children need to know it's a reliable world they live in. If they express a need, do you provide a consistent positive response? Are adults honest with them? Don't threaten with scary stories that aren't true (the bogeyman is going to get you!) or apply rules and rewards inconsistently. For trust to flourish, the child (or any person) must live in a trustworthy context.

FORGIVENESS: Jesus told the ironic parable about the servant whose huge debts were forgiven who then refused to forgive a lesser debt. Once we've tasted forgiveness, do we forgive others? Is there forgiveness in our household? Do our children know what it feels like to forgive and be forgiven?

EMPATHY: Children need an experience of being identified with before they can learn to identify with others. Practice being attuned to their needs and moods. When a child complains, don't say, "You have nothing to cry about." Seek to understand. Then it will be easier to invite that child to understand a sibling, the kid down the block, or even you when you're having a bad day.

JOY: Have your kids seen delight in your eyes when you encounter them? Is there humor in your daily life? Do you make time to do fun things together? Do you celebrate with games and music? Joy is a sign of the presence of God. Share it with your kids.

HOPE: Those who are hopeful know that no matter how crazy the externals are, underneath it all life makes sense. Hope is taught when times are hard. Do you convey that, even in the darkest hour, a light shines through?

OPENNESS to the Word of God: Have you exposed your children to story and myth, ritual and prayer? Have you shown them how to appreciate deeper meaning by reflecting in your own life that there is more to life than meets the eye?

Children learn what they live with. If it's your hope that your children will grow in faith, examine the conditions they live in now. What are you teaching by your actions and reactions? An aware parent can be a responsive parent.