Family Spirituality

Spirituality & Paradox

Not as the world gives peace, do I give my peace to you." –Jesus

When our children master new material in math, history, or geography we say they’ve grasped the concept. But in the world of spiritual development, grasping is the opposite of what you want to happen. In fact, the process of growing in the spirit is more about openness than closure, more about being grasped than grasping. If you want your kids to develop a spiritual life, they’ll need to forgo certainty and develop a taste for mystery and paradox.

Jesus spent a lot of time and energy trying to get his followers to see the deeper reality beneath life’s surface. He did this by telling stories in which the obvious conclusion gets turned on its head: The first becomes last and the last is welcomed as first. The hated foreigner is revealed to be the true neighbor. The high and mighty are refused entrance to the feast, but the poor and the outcast are sought out and welcomed gladly. Before it bears fruit, the grain of wheat must die.

In Jesus’ view, to make any real spiritual progress you need to be willing and able to accept paradox without trying to force a black-and-white answer. No, when it comes to mysteries, it’s better to sit with it than try to subdue it.

During the coming school year you’ll have a number of great opportunities to initiate your children into the world of paradox and spiritual awareness. There are certain seasonal opportunities, among them: October, the month of the Rosary, captures the many paradoxes that Mary knew and experienced beginning with the announcement that she would be the mother of God. Teach your children the mysteries of the Rosary.

Then there’s the season of Advent in which we become full by experiencing the feeling of empty waiting. Sing "O Come Emmanuel" as your dinner prayer. The Christmas story is perhaps the greatest tutor of paradox, revealing the truth of the Incarnation–Our God comes to us not in pomp and glory but "away in a manger." Make sure you have a Christmas crèche and put your child in charge of setting it up.

Daily life offers many such opportunities for introduction to that "peace that the world cannot give." For example, if your child is struggling with new concepts in school, you can convey the truth that it’s only when we acknowledge what we don’t know that we can learn. There may also be times when your child feels tempted to force another child’s friendship or loyalty. The truth is it is only when we stop trying to control the other person that we can truly enjoy friendship. Likewise, it’s only when we admit our need that we can be filled.

    Sunday liturgies are a great school in paradox. Week after week we are called to enter into the ultimate mystery at the heart of Jesus’ story as we stand together and say, "Dying, we are born to eternal life."

    Here’s a story to ponder about the difference between grasping and attaining. A man who loved Ireland as much as life itself died clutching a piece of sod from his beloved country. As he approached the gates of heaven he was told he could only enter with empty hands. He agonized over letting go of this tie to his homeland, but finally he unclenched his fist. The gates of heaven opened and there before him lay all of Ireland. TJM

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